Frozen

My heartbeat slowed

But didn’t stop

You made my heart Brake

And Break

Shattered and frozen

Because you couldn’t…wouldn’t….didn’t

So I pick up the pieces

And pick up the pace

You’re on your own now.

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Hello! It’s been a long time….

It’s seemed like a very long winter for many reasons…yet, all seasons must come to an end and I randomly decided that today was the day for this particular season to end for me. Today is Mother’s Day 2017 – a day of significance for women who may be celebrating or grieving, answering their call to action or acknowledging that mothering comes in many forms.

I have “mothered” since I was a young child: helping out around the house by doing laundry, the dishes, watching my younger siblings. I was the “listening ear” and “shoulder to cry on” for my friends. I was responsible and dependable.  I have always been a caretaker in some form or another.  I even entered a profession based on care taking.

Yet, being a mother is something that, I still feel, doesn’t come naturally to me.  In the same way, that running doesn’t come naturally to me. What does come naturally to me is sleeping, eating, snuggling in a warm bed, and reading books for hours.  However, none of those things can get you medals on a regular basis.

But being an AWESOME MOTHER RUNNER does!!

Thanks to the wonderful folks at Gone for a Run and of course, my fantastic Moms RUN this Town Chapter, I got a 5K run done on this Mother’s Day Weekend.  (Thanks to my husband and kids, the laundry got folded and I did not touch one pan this entire weekend!)

This run gave me some time to think about my relationship with my other female friends, most of whom are moms in one way or another.  I used to think that being a mom automatically made us “simpatica” – the shared understanding of the push and pull that comes with being responsible for these little bundles of energy and love.

However, these past few months has taught me the difficult truth that this isn’t always true – there may be a time and place, that another woman and I might connect but then later, in different circumstances, that connection becomes broken and may even become irreparably severed.

At times, I’ve felt that way about running, too – that running and I had reached a point where we weren’t on the same wavelength. More specifically, running wanted to keep me moving forward, while my body, heart and/or mind wanted to keep me firmly on the couch.  These impasses have always been difficult for me to navigate, yet in the end, moving forward always wins and I put my running shoes on.

So, that’s what I’m doing today. Because staying frozen is really not an option.  I’m ready to “let it go” (haha, of course! Insert eye roll here) and start moving forward again.

 

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