First Entry from the Diary of JC – Prosery

24 December

What we were asking seemed like a big sacrifice, but it was truly the only way. How else could we lead them back home? We loved them so very much!. Even if some – ok, most – didn’t realize they were lost. But some did remember us, remembered being with us oh so long ago, remembered that they needed — no, wanted —  to return to us. And for that reason – even if it was just for one or two or ten, I knew that this was something I had to do, something I wanted to do. We agreed that now was the right time, the right place. 

So, today, in space, in time, I sit. Thousands of feet above the sea, yet also in a sea, floating in cocooned darkness and waiting with my light for the signal that it was time for my arrival.  

One of my favorite places in Puerto Rico. ©️ 2023 iido

“There’s no stopping in running” – this is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned from running. This is a fundamental rule – especially if I want to get to the end of the race course! Now, there have been times when I have stopped – whether to stretch or take a picture or due to pain – but I always started back up, even if it was a slow walk. Writing for me has been the same way: even though there isn’t an “end,” I am committed to moving forward – to keep on writing – even if I might stop every now and then.

Merrill at dVerse challenged us with a prosery challenge using a line from May Sarton’s “Meditation in Sunlight.” The first verse (where the line is taken from) ends with “…and meditate on solitude on love.” But the start of this line “in space in time” was my main inspiration. It made me think of how in the Catholic faith, we think of God the Father being outside of space and time, but God the Son, Jesus, entered space and time to be born of the Virgin Mary in a town called Bethlehem over 2000 years ago. This 144 word prose is something that I think Jesus might have written, if He was into journaling.

As humans, we live in space and time – the space and time we are born in shapes who we are, what we do and how we become. We can’t escape from the forward movement of time – there is no stopping until we reach the end, which is death. How we get there is up to us.

©️ 2023 iido

Song and Dance in the City – A Haibun

Ubers honk as they make their way through crowded city streets. Buses slowly rumble past. Delivery bikes ring bells of warning. But in this corner of the street, only the divine laughter of a fortuitous meeting can be heard. 

It started off as the dance of strangers trying to occupy the same space. It could have become a “West Side Story” type tango, but a smirk of good humor turned the would-be spectacle into a delicious salsa of dialogue. Understanding swayed in the gentle arms of laughter. Commonality cha-cha-chatted with disparity, a note-worthy syncopation that made the conversation a harmony amidst the city’s melody. 

The new friends did not wear Pollyanna’s rose-colored spectacles of previous generations. They knew this relationship must be protected, like amber sealing off a cut in a tree. What insects caught in the resin, could be analyzed later, but for now,  the enjoyment of this opportune meeting – whether through kismet or serendipity –  resounds in the city streets.

Amidst city sounds

The divine dance of friendship

Sways to laughter’s song

Image credit: Jed Villigo @ Unsplash
For the visually challenged reader, this image shows three young men standing on a city street and laughing at a shared joke. Two of men are Black and one, holding scooter handles, is white.

A (late) submission for Sadje’s What Do You see #119. This haibun was also inspired by the picture she chose for WDYS #118. I’ve been experiencing writers’ block the past week or so, so while these images brought many ideas to my mind, I wasn’t able to put them all together until now. Patrick’s Pic and Word Challenge #300 – City, #299 – Amber, #298 – Divine and #297 – Spectacle also served as inspiration, tying all my thoughts into this haibun.

The past few weeks have definitely been roller-coaster of happenings, bringing with it the ups and downs of emotions. Physically – it’s been all up – I completed a January Step Challenge with my running group, She RUNS this Town (formerly known as Moms RUN this Town, but changed to the pronoun for inclusivity since not all members are moms). My team won 1st place which was totally awesome! We were consistently getting over 20K steps a day – well, not me, but my teammates did which is amazing! I’ve started the Taji100 (100 miles in February to support veterans) and am currently in 3rd place in my age group for my state.

Emotionally – it’s been mostly down – my good friend suddenly lost her mother to COVID, we’ve also had numerous COVID infections at our church which has made my work there difficult, we’ve had several good friends also come down with COVID and now my daughter is sick with strep throat (thank goodness it’s not COVID!). I am trying to be like that tree with the cut, letting amber flow out to seal it off and trap whatever insects (aka stress) caused the cut to analyze for later.

February is Black History Month in the USA so this photo of two Black men talking to a white man really captured my interest. As you might know. the issue of racism is still very prevalent here in the USA, as evidenced by the killing of Ahmaud Arbery (which I’ve written about here and here), George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and other Black people in 2020. Now, some Americans are in an uproar about Critical Race Theory (even erroneously thinking that Black History Month is part of CRT) which takes away from actually addressing the issues of racism and working towards equity and yes, friendship – or at least, respectful connection – between people of different ethnic backgrounds.

Diversity is a strength. Being empathetic is a strength. Being able to laugh in the midst of trying times is a strength. Can we find strength to be the harmony?

©️ 2022 iido

Keeping Her Resolution – A Quadrille and Runfession #17, January 2022

She is heard before seen

Her breathing huh-huh-huh heavy 

As if suffocating on the cold air

Yet not actually dying 

Puffs of effort-filled mist 

Emanating from her open mouth 

Her chicken-plucked skin shivering 

Despite the winter sun

No sweat to prove

Her dedicated determination

Guess who this quadrille is about?

I started writing this poem last week but didn’t get a chance to finish and lost the original “essence’ of what I was going to write. Thank goodness for Merrill’s d’Verse Quadrille #144 prompt – Shiver for getting me back on track! I also have to give props to Björn for his response, “Afterward” and to Kate for her response, “Quiver” to this prompt that set my wheels turning again! Check out “Mr. Linky” for other wonderful shivering submissions! NOTE: I did “cheat” a little with my hyphenated words which I counted as one word to make the 44 word limit. Merrill – will you let that slip buy? I’ll buy you a drink at the d’Verse bar! 😉

So, obviously the “she” in this quadrille is me! This my first Runfession of 2022 but my 17th Runfession blog post since I started doing them in 2019. My last Runfession was actually in January of 2021 – so it has been a year that I’ve been on my running hiatus. Yikes!! Now the huffing and puffing make sense!

You can’t tell from the picture, but it was a pretty cold day when I decided to do a short and quick outdoor interval run. But the sun was out and I had set a goal for myself to restart running/walking/moving of any kind this month.

I have to admit, getting back to running has been hard especially due to my knee injury which hasn’t fully resolved. I’m trying to take it easy and focus on form and (time) endurance rather than speed and mileage. It’s a different way of running, a different idea of myself as a runner but if I want to keep running, this is what I have to do. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Right?…

Also linking to Marcia’s Health Slice, originator of the Runfession.

©️ 2022 iido

Old Woman Running – And Poem and Runfession #15, October/November/December 2020

The hallway, long and dark, 

Echoes footsteps, like a dull bell

Ringing a dirge.

The egress beckons, urging speed, 

Alas, the footsteps carry 

The weight of time

Old woman running

If plodding could be considered as such

The effort coming out of her pores

Her face, glistening

Brow furrowed, lips frowning

A beauty hidden in determined wrinkles

At last the goal is reached

She pauses at the threshold

Stepping aside

A young girl runs by,

Face glistening with hope 

A new year zooming by with possibilities

The old woman laughs

Such innocence in ignorance

Better not to know, her inner child says

She makes her slow exit

Relieved yet fully aware

Not her best race, but finished nonetheless

Image credit; Tim Hüfner @ Unsplash 
For visually challenged reader, the image shows wall art. A woman is dressed in 1950’s style. A speech bubble next to her says, ” Listen to your inner child.” There are cartoons and graffiti on the wall too.

Hello and Welcome to 2021!! What a year it has been! Yes, I know it’s only been 7 days into 2021, but if you’ve been listening to the news coming out of Washington, DC, you’ll know what I mean about this year not starting off as best as it could.

I’m still back in 2020 – not because I didn’t want to leave, but because I feel like there is still so much I needed/wanted to get done before the year changed. Alas, Time waits for no one (especially a chronically late procrastinator like me)! This poem and runfession incorporates Sadje’s What Do You See #61 (check out the wonderful responses to her prompt in her roundup here) and two of Patrick’s Pic and a Word Challenge #258 – Beauty and #259 – Hope.

Next week (or maybe this week if I can get it together) I will be back on track. This is my mantra for 2021 – “Get back on track!” Or maybe it should be “Don’t fall off the rails”….

I’ve combined my runfessions from the last three months of 2020 because honestly, there was really nothing to runfess those last few months. I did absolutely no running during that time – I wouldn’t even count the 2 mile run/walks I did here and there. I didn’t even really think about running. The Spartan race that I had signed up for in October was cancelled and that was in it for my motivation for 2020. So that’s my biggest runfession for 2020!

I’m hoping 2021 will be the year I get back into running. I’ve already signed up for 2 Spartan obstacle races – a sprint and a stadion – something different to break up the running a bit. And I’m looking to do at least 1 half marathon. Of course, this is all pandemic provisional.

I couldn’t decide if I identified more with the old woman running or the young girl running in the poem. How about you? We’re 7 days into 2021, yet I’m wondering if 2020 has decided to hang around…

©️ 2020 iido

Country Road Running – a Haiku and Runfession #14, September 2020

trees, corn, silos, barns

running thorough paved history

my presence denied

I am so late for the September runfession! But I committed to documenting my monthly running achievements so here it is. Thanks again for to Marcia for this forum. I’ve read the other runfessions and definitely feel like a bump on a log this month.

Forgive me Nike for I have sinned…

I runfess…I definitely did not “just do it” this past month. Only thirty-seven miles! I remember when I used to do that in a week! Maybe 100 miles was a reach for September considering I had to get the kids started with school. My goal this month: 50 miles.

I runfess…I actually have two injuries – one running related – that has halted my ability to do strength training. The running related one is tennis elbow. You may be wondering how I hurt my elbow running – well, it’s a repeated use injury which started at last year’s Hershey Half Marathon where I carried a water bottle in my right hand in the pouring rain. Since that day, my elbow has been stiff and locks up and my forearm has weakness. This past spring, I had to take a steroid shot to alleviate some the pain but it’s returned. My other injury is a shoulder injury from doing too many mountain climbers (also from last summer when I was working with a personal trainer). Needless to say, I cannot do curls or overhead raises or anything involving any range of motion with my arms at this time.

I runfess…despite these setbacks, I am loving this fall weather and reading about how much running all the other women in my SRTT running group are doing. While we still haven’t done any official group runs, there have been some women who have gotten together for socially distant running. I miss running with my BRF and all the other awesome mother runners in our group! Spending time with other strong women was really something that motivated me and “filled my bucket.” My goal this month is to reconnect with my running tribe – whether it’s virtually or with some socially distant runs.

Whew…OK, that wasn’t too bad! I am always aware about not posting running related things on my blog. I feel my brain space has been taking up with pandemic parenting, issues of social/racial justice and now, getting people to vote in the upcoming USA elections.

I realize my lens has shifted – as evidenced by my haiku, even a beautiful walk in the country is colored by the history of racism and sexism in this country.

I would love to refocus on my running and health, but there just seems to be too many other important things happening that grabs my attention right now. I’m trying for balance as the scales tip all the way in one direction and then the other.

On November 3rd, 2020, I hope the universe realigns itself and gets back on course so I can get back on track.

©️ 2020 iido

Steps for Change – A Poem and Runfession #13, August 2020

The symmetry of my steps

Echo on the pavement

Right. . . . . . .Left

Right. . . . . . . Left

Right. . . . . . .Left

Right. . . . . . .Left

Echo the beat of my heart

Thump. . . . . .Thump

Thump. . . . . .Thump

Thump. . . . . .Thump

Thump. . . . .Thump

Echo the tears that fall

Drip. . . . . . .Drop

Drip. . . . . . .Drop

Drip. . . . . . .Drop

Drip. . . . . . .Drop

When I see the signs

Left. . . . . . .Rights

Left. . . . . . .Rights

Left. . . . . . .Rights

Left. . . . . . .Rights

Of the dismantling 

Thump. . . . . Trump

Thump. . . . . Trump

Thump. . . . . Trump

Thump. . . . . Trump

Of our democratic society

Go. . . . . . .Vote

Go. . . . . . .Vote

Go. . . . . . .Vote

Go. . . . . . .Vote

Hello! Hello! I’m catching up with Patrick’s Pic and a Word Challenge prompts (because you know – STREAK!!). This one is #245 – Symmetry. If you need some breathtaking visual inspiration, Patrick’s website is the place to check out!

I am also catching up with my running this week. Thank goodness for Marcia’s Healthy Slice Runfessions! I’m late for the the link-up, but please check out her site if you need some running motivation! Here’s my runfession for August.

Forgive me, Nike, for I have sinned….

I runfess….I am taking Nike’s timeless motto, “Just Do It,” as my mantra this month. I’ve been heading to the basement and running/walking on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes this week. Even if I can only manage a slow walk, I’m getting on the treadmill. Even if I still have laundry to fold and dishes to wash, I’m getting on the treadmill. Even if I really just want to sit on the couch and watch TV, I’m going on the treadmill. I’m just doing it!! Because….

I runfess…I didn’t get my 100 miles in August so I’m trying again in September. The stress of deciding about school and getting ready for virtual learning really depleted my energy in August. I wasn’t sleeping well (I’m still not) and I wasn’t eating healthy (I’m still not) and I wasn’t working out (at least I’m doing that now!). So, if at first you don’t succeed….

I runfess…I haven’t been running outside for two reasons: one – doing virtual learning with the kids means that I am house bound with them. This feels somewhat worse than during the pandemic shelter-in-place earlier this year. We’re doing the same thing, but it just feels wrong – this isn’t how September should be! It’s back to school time and leaf peeping time and fall races time – not sit in front of a computer and see your friends through a small screen time. It makes me angry and sad at the same time which makes being at home difficult…..

Reason number two…..

I runfess…between the pandemic and the upcoming election in the USA, I am glad that I’m doing most of my running on the treadmill. There are numerous political signs up in my neighborhood – the biggest ones support the current administration. It is disheartening that despite everything that has happened – the lies, the lack of science based leadership addressing the pandemic, the inciting of violence, the continued marginalizing of people (whether by skin color, ethnic background, religion, sexual orientation, gender, ability) – people still support the 45th president of the USA. I feel fearful and tearful when I see those signs. It wouldn’t be a good thing for my mental health to keep passing those signs when I’m running by myself. Which brings me to…..

I runfess…it was hard to keep positive this past month. It’s like that point in running a marathon when you think you’ve been running forever and that the finish line is almost there and then you see the mile marker and realize you’re still so far away….

This is why I haven’t signed up for a 50K……yet….. But….

September RESET is in full swing!!! My feet and fingers are moving!! The rest of my body will get there….I’m also going to make sure to catch up on some of your lovely words here on the WordPress blogosphere. That’s going to be much better for my mental health!

And if you live in the USA – please be sure you’re signed up to VOTE this November!!

©️ 2020 iido

Run Time – A Haibun and Runfession #12, July 2020

I press the button right before our feet step off the driveway – Run Time! This has become our nightly ritual – our mother/daughter walks becoming mother/daughter runs over the span of this summer. I wanted our time together to give me a portal into your world – my own TARDIS into teenager-hood. 

Instead, we went from walking to running then sprinting – at least for me. Your time went from a 20 minute mile to a 17 minute mile and then a 12 minute mile. This is my regular middle of the pack pace, a pace I love and can do forever even while talking. But you, my dear daughter, pushed the pace and me – faster and faster. Your current time is a 10 minute mile – too fast for your old mum to catch you and ask about the two hour talk you had with your friend who’s a boy. 

Today, you almost broke into a 9 minute mile, but instead, you slowed down and waited for me to catch up, noting how much slower I am running. “Is this what happens when you get older?” you ask. Does she glimpse her future through the portal of my sweat stained face?  We walk the rest of the mile, time unknown, the portal propped open.

Summer sun fading

Time passes through the portal 

The sunflower weeps

In the spirit of Renard’s post, I am not going to apologizing for not posting at all in the past week. To be honest, I didn’t even realize it had been over a week since my last post. It was only when I realized that I had missed two prompts from Patrick and Sadje that I looked at my calendar – oh, how time files when you’re feeling stressed!

This haibun and runfession incorporates Patrick’s Pic and a Word Challenge #242 – Time and #243 – Portal (I’m still on the streak!!). It’s not a traditional haibun, but it does capture a new tradition for my daughter and I which I will gladly runfess! Thanks to Marcia for the Runfession forum – I didn’t get a chance to link up this month, but I’ll catch up for next!

Forgive me Brooks for I have sinned….

I runfess….my daughter is now running faster than me and has logged more miles than I have in the past month. I am proud of her yet frustrated at myself for not being as consistent as she has. On the days when we can’t run outside, she runs on the treadmill downstairs or runs around the house (literally, she is running up and down the stairs, doing laps around the kitchen island, running in circles around her siblings) while I’m making dinner or doing laundry or doing some other mom-ming duty. These are the things that I put aside when I run with her outside. While I do cherish the one on one time I can spend with her, this usually means dinner is later or I’m folding laundry until midnight. Still, I love seeing her persistence and pride in getting her mile in and getting faster.

I runfess….I’ve set a goal of hitting 100 miles in August. It’s sinking in that we are already a week in and I haven’t meet my weekly mileage for this past week. I know this is due to stressing out about whether to send my kids to school or not. I have been doing research on the computer, talking to local friends who are doctors or teachers about what they’re doing, reaching out to people for their take on the situation. It’s a lot of information and I have not yet made peace with our decision which is due tomorrow. This week though, I am getting back on track! I’ll report back at the end of August!

I runfess…I really miss races! Let me clarify, I really miss the EXPO before big races! I loved getting the free stuff and trying out new gels and drinks, getting great discounts for signing up for races. I loved meeting up with other MRTT/SRTT members and “carb loading” after getting our swag. I even loved getting the race shirt that never seemed to fit right. There was always that buzzing excitement of all these people coming together for one purpose. There is really nothing like it! I miss that.

There are so many things I miss about “pre-pandemic running.” There are so many things I miss about “pre-pandemic life”!! Still, this time has brought about some positive changes (as well as some negative). This coming month, I’m choosing to focus on these positives. Like the sunflower that re-orients itself to the east at night so it can catch the first rays of the sunrise, I am re-orienting my mindset after making this stressful school decision. Here’s to the sunrise!

©️ 2020 iido

Inspiration and Adaption – Runfession #11, June 2020

It’s that time of the month again! The weeks go by so quickly….I am thankful to Marcia from Marcia’s Heathy Slice for this opportunity to (re)focus on running that was the original intent of this blog. I love that this blog has now grown to include how I run other things!

So let’s get to it….Forgive me, New Balance, for I have sinned….

I runfess….my daughter is doing more running that I have been. She started walking/running a mile every day when I was attempting 100 miles in May. After she realized she had been doing a mile every day for a few weeks, she started logging it and as of today (7/1/2020) she is on day 51 of her streak. Talk about inspiration! Most of my running has actually been walking with my daughter so I’ve also gotten in at least a mile a day for the month of June.  I’ve also enjoyed the conversations I’ve had with her on these walks. It’s probably the only time during the day that we have one on one time together.

I runfess…. I am very, very, very slowly starting to venture out of my family bubble. I had my first, official SRTT/MRTT group run this past weekend – if a “group” could consist of just two people. It’s been over three months since I ran with my BRF, Michele. We met at the hilly trail near her work site which was empty since it was a weekend. Michele hadn’t been there since the start of the shelter-in-place since she’s been working from home. We tried to maintain social distance and I also tried to not breath as heavily, but between being out of shape and the heat/humidity…if I had worn a mask, I’m pretty sure I would have passed out! 

I runfess….it’s so easy to use the pandemic as an excuse to not get miles in.  Must resist this excuse!!  Our governor announced today, that a mask is required  anytime people are outside and with people they don’t live with. I think with the spread of the coronavirus, this is a wise move. If I have to wear a mask next time I run, then that’s what I’m going to do. Going to the gym is still something I would not do. Thank goodness for Peloton!

I runfess….I like Peloton, I really do. I didn’t want to like them since their products are so expensive (oh, and don’t forget that one advertisement they had…), but when they put out a free 90 day trial for their online workouts (usually a monthly subscription) and a lot of my MRTT/SRTT mamas were signing up, I reluctantly gave them a try. And now, I am totally hooked! They have workouts for running with great music (running to Whitney Houston for 30 minutes – yes, please!). They have workouts if you only have 10 or 15 minutes to work out (there is even an ultra-mini 5 minute workout!). Their instructors are enthusiastic and keep you on track without being totally obnoxious. They inspire me, like my daughter, only louder and with better music. It’s a change from my usual runs and workouts, but it’s what I’m doing now to keep me moving.

My free trial ends this month….should I start paying for it? I still have my gym membership…

I know canceling my membership would “hurt” the gym I belong to. So many businesses have been affected by this pandemic, especially restaurants and small businesses. I think those that survive are those that are able to be flexible in what they offer and how they offer it. They’re adapting to how the world is right now. I know people just want things to get back to normal, but I think people forget that going back to how things were before COVID-19, is not possible. The virus is still out there, just like racism is still out there. 

How are we changing,  adapting, being flexible in how we live, so that we can survive?

©️ 2020 iido

The Good, The Bad and the Horrendous – May 2020 Runfession #10

Wednesday was Global Running Day. I usually love this day as it reminds me of how unifying and life changing running can be. However, this year, running (like so many other things) seems to have gone down a notch or two on the priority pole. There are more important things to pay attention to like black lives, like navigating the new normal of pandemic life, like black lives, like black lives, like black lives…

I runfess….I love SRTT/MRTT but there are some other great great women only running groups out there! I participated in the Mermaid 24 hour relay (check out my review here). I ended up doing 3 “fins” (aka “legs”) – one at midnight, then at 3AM and 3:30 AM (I was still up anyway). I only walked the latter two but it was cathartic to be part of something bigger. 

I runfess….I didn’t hit the 100 mile goal for our SRTT/MRTT May Miles Challenge.  I’ve been really lax about getting my runs/walks in despite signing up for the Peloton App (which is really fabulous, BTW, if you’re into high energy people encouraging and motivating you in an almost annoying “are you really that excited about working out? I’m pretty sure you are..now I have to work out” type of way).  I thought I wasn’t going to make it then realized, I was really only 14 miles miles away from the 75 mile mark. So on the last day, I just went and ran 14 miles broken up over the course of the day.  Not bad, but not good either! I’ve been hurting all week.  Lesson to be learned – consistency is important!

I runfess…I did the Run for Maud but it isn’t enough. I’ve been thinking about how else to support the current protests for racial equality.  For me, it’s less about “bad cops” – my brother is cop and he is a good person and his other cop friends are all good people – and more about fixing the misunderstanding among cops regarding their role in society. 

Do you remember “A Few Good Men”? Not the part with the famous line but the one that comes at the end – the one that really says, what the role is of the military and the police (in my opinion) – check it out here.

Police officers are sworn to protect the public trust and to hold themselves and others accountable. They, like other organizations, have a Code of Ethics that their members need to adhere to (see a fuller version here).  Some police officers have already realized that there needs to be change.

But the larger picture is racial inequality and systemic racism that is inherent in our society.  It’s the reason why white people are allowed to protest WITH GUNS to re-open the economy  but black and brown people aren’t allowed to protest at all.  

Running also isn’t devoid of racism as these articles can attest to – check out these articles from Runners’ World: here, here and here.  Racism is horrendous in it’s insidiousness. That’s why the first step to being anti-racist is to notice the racism around us in all it’s forms. The second and harder step is deciding what YOU are going to do about it.

I don’t have the answers and I can’t begin to process while my heart is still hurting. But one thing that I have learned from running – the more you do it, the better you get at it.  The more we are actively anti-racist, the better we will be. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

Thanks again to Marcia for headlining the monthly Runfession.

©️ 2020 iido