The Gift of Time – A Poem

The screen lights my face

Reflecting the curated world

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling

.

Your hand on my sleeve, then on my face 

Your voice reflecting a child’s request

Tugging, tugging, tugging

.

I turn away, pulling the screen to my chest

My peace broken, I add to the disturbance 

Yelling, yelling, yelling

.

You turn away and drop your creation

Broken bits of pride scattering on the floor

Falling, falling, falling

.

The sound of escape pings

The sound of reality heavily sighs with slumped shoulders and sits in front of the TV, turning on a show it’s seen before

The feel of escape vibrates

The feel of reality punches the gut with the realization that time should be given to a small hand and not a small hand held device

.

I am all thumbs, fumbling, 

dropping the screen

dropping down next to you

Putting my face in front of your face

Seeing, listening, loving

.

Living

Image credit: Adrien King @ Unsplash 
( For the visually challenged reader, the image shows an hour glass sitting on a small table. The sand has run through the glass. Two hand are reaching for it from opposite ends )

An “early” post (at least for me!) for Sadje’s What Do You See #51 picture prompt. The picture above sent my mind in two directions. This is probably the first time I worked on two poems at the same time! I’ll post my second poem after this one.

This picture intrigued me because of the hands. The one on the table seemed desperate, as if reaching the hour glass was a final act. As someone who is chronically late, I can say that time and I are not friends. I thought that being at home and not having outside obligations due to the pandemic would gift me a lot of time to write and run and do all the other things that I told myself I would do if “I had more time.”

That hasn’t been the case.

Time seems to be going faster despite the fact that all the days are blending together. From the time I wake up to when I go to bed (which is pretty late), I’m on the “go” while staying at home. And since all the kids are at home with me, I am acutely aware of how much time I am spending on activities that I would have usually gotten done while they are in school, versus the time and attention I am giving to them during the day. Some times it’s more or less even, some days it’s weighted to one side.

I am that hand on the table, grasping for more time yet knowing it will be taken away from me and never returned.

©️ 2020 iido

Forty-four Words are Not Enough – A Quadrille

In the nick of time

My motto, my nemesis

My days overfilled with

Kids needing

Husband wanting

Daughterly obligations

School “volunteering”

Catholic guilt

Running miles – Ha! No

Running behind – yes

Secretary, chef, driver

Driving myself crazy

Oh look something else to sign up for!

This quadrille responds to De Jackson’s (WhimsyGizmo) quadrille prompt #87 – Nick and Jamie Dedes’ Wednesday Writing Prompt to write about my life and the things/events that make an impression on me.

Well, if you’ve been following my blog for any amount of time, you know my poetry and prose usually revolve around my identities as a mother and runner. This quadrille is no exception!

The school year has started for all my kids, even my preschooler is in three day PreK. Yet despite having three days “all by myself,” I find myself still running out of time, running late, running from appointment to appointment. I’ve signed up to help out at their school and at our church while training for a race, writing and keeping up with household duties. This might not be a lot for other people, but it’s a lot for me. I’ve been thinking about going back to work outside the home but where would I fit that in? That “nick” of time is not truly enough.

©️ iido 2019

January Play Date – A Poem

Janus said, “Let’s go out and play!

I heard it was a holiday.”

Maybe it is for you, old foe,

But today, that is something I must forgo.

No time to play when I peruse my face

And see the lines that spell disgrace

Of worries and what could have been

There is no fun when I look within

But Janus, oh! that crafty man!

He looked ahead and had a plan,

“My friend, there’s nothing you can do.

What done is done! You’ve paid your due.

Look forward! See! The future’s bright!

Now is the time to do what’s right.

The past might mark your face with sorrow.

But you still control what happens tomorrow.”

I smiled at his two faced wisdom

It’s true that time rules this kingdom

No matter what path I chose to take

The fun of life are the decisions I make

Whether good or bad, hindsight will see

And foresight might prevent a tragedy

But to refuse to play is to die right then

We know it will happen just not when

So I say to Janus with a smile,

“You’re right, let’s play! I’ll stay awhile.

I won’t worry about the why and what if.

I’ll enjoy the present because…it’s a gift.”

This poem was written for d’Verse Poetics: Time and What If. Thank you, Merrill, for this timely prompt!

Time has always been my nemesis, being a chronic procrastinator. Maybe on some subconscious level, I think it has to do with my ambivalence towards change. Or maybe I am just lazy. Getting started or changing course has always been a struggle. But once I’m on that path, then I am fully committed and seldom have I strayed from the task.

I know these characteristics have their positives and negatives. For example, in the past, my focus on running has been all consuming to the detriment of spending time with family or self care. Since dealing with some medical issues, I’ve had to switch paths since I was not able to run as much. But now, I struggle with incorporating some running (or any exercise) in my daily life since my focus has shifted.

Does time only allow us to focus on one thing at a time? Research on attention point out that multi-tasking is a myth and that people are really only meant to focus on one thing at a time. So those of us who suffer from FOMO and procrastination are in a double bind.

I don’t have a solution to this quandary despite finding myself in the midst of it for most of my adult life. I’ve come to accept that it’s ok to miss out on some things as long as what I am focusing on is important to me or important to someone I love (that’s the mom listening for hours about trains and pandas and other things instead of cleaning the bathroom). So yes, I chose play over work (to my hubby’s dismay). And I try not to let those what ifs creep in.

©️ iido 2019