Gestures

I’ve been thinking about this prompt all week and it finally came together today! Thank you again to Patrick for his Pic and a Word Challenge #48.

Jaw set

Brows coming together

Looking straight ahead while around her

Kids are squirming, tearing, jeering

She rubs her forehead, right above her nose and closes her eyes

The gesture of acceptance

Out numbered defeat

Head tilted to the side

Eyes squinted

Staring into a face that doesn’t believe in her worth, her rights, her existence

She crosses her arms, juts her hip and taps her foot

The gesture of defiance

Disbelief that in this day and age

Mouth agape

Neck outstretched

Listening to advice and false promises yelled by witnesses to her body’s treachery

She swings her arms and shuffles forward

The gesture of persistence

Knowing pain is temporary

Afterwards, she sits still

Listening to the quiet sounds

Of trees swaying and not breaking

Her breathing deepens

Her arms raise to the sky

The gesture of triumph

Self determined

©️iido 2018

Cookie blood

No worries – this isn’t one of those gross posts…it’s my attempt at explaining why I haven’t been posting…or running…

I started this blog because running had become such an integral part of my life in CA…I thought running was in my blood but what I really have in my blood is this:


And now this:


Yes, I am cooking periogies with chopsticks….

We’ve been here a little over a month and are mostly unpacked. The “We just moved here” excuse is wearing thin.

It’s been hot and humid here, but I just moved from CA where hot is the norm so that excuse is wearing thin.

We live in a low traffic neighborhood and I’ve found a couple of places that seem safe to run so the “I don’t have any place to run” excuse is wearing thin.

The only thing not “wearing thin” (as in my “skinny” clothes) is me.

I have connected with my local Moms RUN this Town chapter and have posted runs. I’ve even gone out on one run with a lovely mother runner last the Sunday and have gone on two run/walks this week – but consistent running love has been elusive.

I’ve lost my identity/passion as a mother runner in the almost two months since I’ve gone for a run. The idea of running as a “must” for me has gone out the window – or windows as seems to be the case when I gaze through these lovelies in our new home, safely ensconced in air conditioning with cookies baking in our open concept kitchen, thinking of running but not even wearing workout clothes or sneakers.


Yes – I am “safely ensconced”. I don’t have to deal with the fear of wondering how fast I can run or how long I can run. I don’t have to deal with the worries of how I compare to other women who run and have kids (and even have jobs outside the home). I don’t have to worry about sweating or having to push a ridiculously heavy double stroller. I don’t have to worry about pushing  myself out of my comfort zone or out of these comfortable elastic waistband pants.

Another cookie will help with every day stress…not a run though…nope, I’m not making the time to do something that should only be done if you’re running late or being chased.

I’m kidding, of course! Kinda…

These are just some of the excuses that run through my brain on a daily basis that have held me back from lacing up my sneakers and going for a run.

But the recent news about women being attacked and killed while running has me thinking. Despite all the advances women have made in this world, there is still a lot of sexism and other barriers that women have to deal with and fear. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right.

Maybe going for a run is more than just about getting back into my “pre-preggo” jeans. Maybe there is more meaning behind it than just selfishly wanting to look better and be healthier.

Putting on a running bra is going to be my version of bra burning
I’m getting out back there. I am going to post my runs on the MRTT FB and stay accountable. I am going to fall back in love with running and regain the feelings of strength and calmness it give me. I am going to love the sweat and the stink and show kiddies how their mom perseveres and accomplishes her goals.  I am going to start putting that one foot in front of the other…

…right after I finish this cookie.

Reality

At the end of our tour of Lehman Caves at the Great Basin National Park, Ranger Mark asked, “What do caves protect you from?”  Some responses included: the sun/heat, earthquakes and tornados, the zombie apocalypse. Ranger Mark mentioned that in the past few weeks he had children tell him that caves can protect them from “bullies” and “reality”. 

In the wake of the tragedies in Orlando, I realize that the problems we encounter during our trip – kids crying in the car, speeding tickets, lost souvenirs, white hairs – are minuscule compared to the struggles of others dealing with pain and death, discrimination and hate. 

This trip is our “cave” – protecting us from the reality of bullies and other ignorant and entitled people. I’m hoping the beauty and generosity of the landscape will be enough to keep our spirits resilient.