January Play Date – A Poem

Janus said, “Let’s go out and play!

I heard it was a holiday.”

Maybe it is for you, old foe,

But today, that is something I must forgo.

No time to play when I peruse my face

And see the lines that spell disgrace

Of worries and what could have been

There is no fun when I look within

But Janus, oh! that crafty man!

He looked ahead and had a plan,

“My friend, there’s nothing you can do.

What done is done! You’ve paid your due.

Look forward! See! The future’s bright!

Now is the time to do what’s right.

The past might mark your face with sorrow.

But you still control what happens tomorrow.”

I smiled at his two faced wisdom

It’s true that time rules this kingdom

No matter what path I chose to take

The fun of life are the decisions I make

Whether good or bad, hindsight will see

And foresight might prevent a tragedy

But to refuse to play is to die right then

We know it will happen just not when

So I say to Janus with a smile,

“You’re right, let’s play! I’ll stay awhile.

I won’t worry about the why and what if.

I’ll enjoy the present because…it’s a gift.”

This poem was written for d’Verse Poetics: Time and What If. Thank you, Merrill, for this timely prompt!

Time has always been my nemesis, being a chronic procrastinator. Maybe on some subconscious level, I think it has to do with my ambivalence towards change. Or maybe I am just lazy. Getting started or changing course has always been a struggle. But once I’m on that path, then I am fully committed and seldom have I strayed from the task.

I know these characteristics have their positives and negatives. For example, in the past, my focus on running has been all consuming to the detriment of spending time with family or self care. Since dealing with some medical issues, I’ve had to switch paths since I was not able to run as much. But now, I struggle with incorporating some running (or any exercise) in my daily life since my focus has shifted.

Does time only allow us to focus on one thing at a time? Research on attention point out that multi-tasking is a myth and that people are really only meant to focus on one thing at a time. So those of us who suffer from FOMO and procrastination are in a double bind.

I don’t have a solution to this quandary despite finding myself in the midst of it for most of my adult life. I’ve come to accept that it’s ok to miss out on some things as long as what I am focusing on is important to me or important to someone I love (that’s the mom listening for hours about trains and pandas and other things instead of cleaning the bathroom). So yes, I chose play over work (to my hubby’s dismay). And I try not to let those what ifs creep in.

©️ iido 2019

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Intertwined

(Written in response to the #PicandaWord weekly challenge prompt, from Pix to Words, 12/25/16.)

***********
The woman I am

Is the woman I was

The quiet one

The smart one

The bookworm

The one who ran a high school mile in 20 minutes 

The woman I am

Is the woman I was

The hands in my back pocket, 

I can conquer the world,

Let the party begin,

I can pull off an A paper in 4 hours Co-ed

Who wasn’t self aware enough

Who wasn’t practiced enough

To know alcoholic lies 

The woman I am

Is the woman I was

The trusting in a good world 

How did this happen to me

Despite my negative words

Against my feminist will

It must be my fault

Forgive me, understand me lover. 

The woman I am

Is the woman I was

The grieving mother

The don’t get too close so it doesn’t hurt mother

The oh it could be fun and easy mother

The I didn’t realize boys were so different mother

The stay my baby a little a lot longer mother

The woman I am

Is the woman I was

Angry and hurt

Confused yet hopeful

Spurned into action

Despite fears of rejection

I am the intersection of

My gender

My ethnicity

My religion

My race

The intertwining of identity and history

The woman I am

Is the woman I was

Is the woman I will become
©iido, 2016