First Entry from the Diary of JC – Prosery

24 December

What we were asking seemed like a big sacrifice, but it was truly the only way. How else could we lead them back home? We loved them so very much!. Even if some – ok, most – didn’t realize they were lost. But some did remember us, remembered being with us oh so long ago, remembered that they needed — no, wanted —  to return to us. And for that reason – even if it was just for one or two or ten, I knew that this was something I had to do, something I wanted to do. We agreed that now was the right time, the right place. 

So, today, in space, in time, I sit. Thousands of feet above the sea, yet also in a sea, floating in cocooned darkness and waiting with my light for the signal that it was time for my arrival.  

One of my favorite places in Puerto Rico. ©️ 2023 iido

“There’s no stopping in running” – this is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned from running. This is a fundamental rule – especially if I want to get to the end of the race course! Now, there have been times when I have stopped – whether to stretch or take a picture or due to pain – but I always started back up, even if it was a slow walk. Writing for me has been the same way: even though there isn’t an “end,” I am committed to moving forward – to keep on writing – even if I might stop every now and then.

Merrill at dVerse challenged us with a prosery challenge using a line from May Sarton’s “Meditation in Sunlight.” The first verse (where the line is taken from) ends with “…and meditate on solitude on love.” But the start of this line “in space in time” was my main inspiration. It made me think of how in the Catholic faith, we think of God the Father being outside of space and time, but God the Son, Jesus, entered space and time to be born of the Virgin Mary in a town called Bethlehem over 2000 years ago. This 144 word prose is something that I think Jesus might have written, if He was into journaling.

As humans, we live in space and time – the space and time we are born in shapes who we are, what we do and how we become. We can’t escape from the forward movement of time – there is no stopping until we reach the end, which is death. How we get there is up to us.

©️ 2023 iido

Broken Hearted

The consensus was that leaving would be the kind and honorable thing to do. It’s what one would do if they loved the other more than themselves. Still, the first step felt like the time I drew the short stick and had to test the ice on the lake. Everyone was watching, except me. I closed my eyes before taking that first step, because I am not brave or self-less, just guilty enough to not be able to shirk an obligation.

Cracks in winter ice

Intentional shattering

A heartfelt goodbye

For the visually challenged reader, this image shows a sculpture of a man holding a bag. The statue is on waterside, and part of the statue is intentionally missing.

Sadie’s What do you see #171 provided the perfect picture for Frank’s Haibun Monday prompt at dVerse. Doesn’t the missing part of the statue look like a heart?

While I have never had to walk out over a frozen lake to test the thickness of the ice, I have experienced heartbreak. I remember telling my mom when my first love broke up with me that I felt like my heart had been physically ripped out of my chest. It was such a visceral reaction that I thought I would die from the heartache.

Of course, I didn’t die. And I went on to fall in a love twice more before I found the one who currently holds my heart with tenderness and compassion.

Not all break ups are bad ones. Some are done for good and loving reasons, the “right” reasons – those are probably the most painful. Each break up adds to the “baggage” that one brings along in life. And sometimes, that baggage still weighs heavy even after years have passed.

©️ 2023 iido

Thoughts at a Party While Talking to a Hottie – A Quadrille

The flatness of the wall – so interesting 

Compared to your thick hair 

And even thicker lips that smile 

An unknowing temptation 

For me to nibble on their juicy apple redness

Must focus on the bland beige behind you since

We are out of ice. 

Photo by Rafael De Lancer on Pexels.com

This poem was inspired by my Hubby (who is currently away on business) and two prompts: the Sunday RagTag Daily Prompt – Temptation and d’Verse Quadrille #168 – Ice.

My Hubby and I did actually meet at a party in college and his lips were definitely one of his features that I found attractive, along with his deep voice and his leadership skills (and no, that is not a euphemism for something else!!). I have to admit, I didn’t even notice him the whole night at this party. It was only in the wee hours of the morning, when he and I were sitting across from each other at a diner (‘cuz that’s what you do after a night of partying), talking about our fathers (of all things!), that I started to pay attention to his lips as he is speaking and then I have this distinct memory of a voice in my head saying, “I can see this man being next to me while I’m giving birth.” Weird, right? Who has that thought after just meeting a person? But it did make me wonder, “Is this what they mean by ‘when you know, you know?'”

It’s been 21 years now that we’ve been married (plus an additional 6 years of mostly long distance dating). At this point, I’ve known my Hubby longer than I have not known him! And he was there next to me during the births of all our children!

As I was explaining to my teen age daughter who has friends who are starting to date, attraction is sometimes instantaneous and sometimes not; what is attractive to one person, may not be attractive to another; and there are many different aspects of people that we can find attractive (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually). What attracts you to someone may be easy to explain – but there may be times when you can’t explain it, you just know it. And when attraction finds you at a time you least expect, having that bucket of ice, can be helpful!

©️ 2023 iido

The Muse – A Quadrille

I am like you but not

My skin supple, warm-blooded, full of color

My mind boldly calculating what would break

You but not me.

I look down, demure in my plotting

Hidden in my hands, the chisel that will crack

The plaster of patriarchy.

For the visually challenged reader, this image shows a woman sitting between two sculptures.

My first entry for Sadje’s What Do You See #168 is also a quadrille for D’Verse (Q44 #167). I knew immediately when I saw the picture that it would pair well with De Jackson’s “word of the year”.

I used to be a lot bolder than I am now. My hand would be first one raised high if there was a need for volunteers. I was the friend who would go up to the person you liked and bring them over to talk to you. If I was interested in you, I would be the first to make eye contact. I was confident and had no issues making that known.

While I don’t think I am any less confident now, I don’t have the same need to be bold – I don’t have the same need to prove myself. My hubby knows I love him even if I’m not looking at him. All my friends are in relationships and don’t need me to make connections for them. I still volunteer a lot, but now, I wait and see if someone else will step up first.

Being bold also seems harder as a parent: having to think of consequences and how that would affect, not only me, but my family. Plus, there is less time to be spontaneous which (to me) is an aspect of boldness.

One place that I can still be bold, is in my writing. If you’re reading this, I’m making eye contact with you! 👀

©️ iido 2023

Keeping Her Resolution – A Quadrille and Runfession #17, January 2022

She is heard before seen

Her breathing huh-huh-huh heavy 

As if suffocating on the cold air

Yet not actually dying 

Puffs of effort-filled mist 

Emanating from her open mouth 

Her chicken-plucked skin shivering 

Despite the winter sun

No sweat to prove

Her dedicated determination

Guess who this quadrille is about?

I started writing this poem last week but didn’t get a chance to finish and lost the original “essence’ of what I was going to write. Thank goodness for Merrill’s d’Verse Quadrille #144 prompt – Shiver for getting me back on track! I also have to give props to Björn for his response, “Afterward” and to Kate for her response, “Quiver” to this prompt that set my wheels turning again! Check out “Mr. Linky” for other wonderful shivering submissions! NOTE: I did “cheat” a little with my hyphenated words which I counted as one word to make the 44 word limit. Merrill – will you let that slip buy? I’ll buy you a drink at the d’Verse bar! 😉

So, obviously the “she” in this quadrille is me! This my first Runfession of 2022 but my 17th Runfession blog post since I started doing them in 2019. My last Runfession was actually in January of 2021 – so it has been a year that I’ve been on my running hiatus. Yikes!! Now the huffing and puffing make sense!

You can’t tell from the picture, but it was a pretty cold day when I decided to do a short and quick outdoor interval run. But the sun was out and I had set a goal for myself to restart running/walking/moving of any kind this month.

I have to admit, getting back to running has been hard especially due to my knee injury which hasn’t fully resolved. I’m trying to take it easy and focus on form and (time) endurance rather than speed and mileage. It’s a different way of running, a different idea of myself as a runner but if I want to keep running, this is what I have to do. Slow and steady wins the race, right? Right?…

Also linking to Marcia’s Health Slice, originator of the Runfession.

©️ 2022 iido

The Muse Despairs – A Quadrille

In a cavern

My muse languishes.

Beside her

A broken paddle,

And smashed frame.

Her voice blusters,

A construct of words without meaning

The how of creation

Forgotten in the wake of her shipwreck.

Without poetry,

My muse readies herself

For the long goodnight.

This photo was taken somewhere in Nevada – we had stopped at a place with underground caverns.
The coolness was a relief from the heat outside. I can’t remember the name now, but I remember the feeling.

A double achievement today – and maybe proof that my muse is alive and well! First, this poem which was inspired by De Jackson’s dVerse Monday Quadrille prompt to write a poem of 44 words incorporating the word “muse.” I have to admit, I had forgotten it was quadrille Monday and had written a lovely yet longer poem which I then had to cut down to 44 words. Hopefully, I chose the right 44 words to keep!

Secondly, I am almost caught up with keeping my streak for Patrick’s Pic and a Word Weekly Challenge! Well, if a streak could zig zag and backtrack and then move forward…what do you say, Patrick? I’ve incorporated #296 – Bluster, #288 – Wakes, #282 – Cavern, #281 – Paddle, #280 – Construct, #279 – Frame, #278 – Creation and #276 – Poetry. As a blogger, consistency is key so I am quite proud of my efforts in keeping this streak going.

The muse may be despairing in this quadrille, however, I have to admit, I am feeling quite the opposite. Maybe it’s because it’s a new year…maybe it’s because I am writing again and reconnecting with all of you and reading all the wonderful bloggers that I have missed in the past few months…maybe it’s because I have also started running again….maybe it’s because all these maybes mean potential and potential is hope…and if ever there was a better muse to muse about, it would be Hope.

©️ 2022 iido

Watersource – A Compound Word Verse

fingers whisper, curl and beckon

enticed, my thoughts try to reckon

watercress

eyes with hazel depths hold hidden 

promises that are forbidden

waterproof

words flush doubt down and out my head

rocks become pillows on the bed

waterjet 

thoughts tumble and swirl, confusion

swallowed by dark adoration

waterfront

desire so verdant, lush, alive

lull my senses to take the dive

waterfall

Image credit; Sean Robertson @ Unsplash 
For the visually challenged reader, the image shows a natural pool fed with streams. There is mist on its surface and there are green moss covered rocks surrounding it.

I am late for submission to Sadje’s What do you see #104 (I am out of practice and I forget about the time difference) but the photo she chose and the poetry form introduced by Grace at dVerse have been swirling around and around in my head. Grace chose the Compound Word Verse, a challenging poetry form that piqued my interest (which I am late to submit for as well). I first tried to use the root word “pool” for my compound word but when I realized I needed five compound words, I had to switch to something that had more possibilities (I couldn’t make up cool new compound words like Kate did – read her take on it here).

I used a lot of enjambed sentences in my version of this form. This was accidental as it took me three verses to realize that because “water” had two syllables, that I could only use the compound word for that last line. As I am coming to learn though – there are no accidents in life. Things happen for a reason and most of the time, we will not know what that reason is.

Not searching for “reason” has actually helped me during this pandemic. I think if I tried to figure out why people were doing the things they were doing, why all these awful things have been happening, why so many people have died – I would have gone into a deep, deep depression. Instead, I’ve held on to the belief that God has a plan and is taking care of things. So I don’t have to figure things out, just trust that He knows what he is doing. Maybe this is why they say that reason is the opposite of faith!

What’s kept you going? Has that changed in the long months of pandemic? What do you need/want now to continue? Suggestions welcome (asking for a friend! LOL!).

©️ 2021 iido

Doubting Starlight – Prosery

The starlight winks, as if it is a joke that it is crucial to finding the way. Is this? There is no beginning or end – the sky goes on and on and on – how do we know this is the right one to follow? Balthazar says this one suddenly appeared. Melchior observes this same one hasn’t wavered course.  

Gaspar holds the compass in one hand and my hand in the other, “My dear, trust my friends, this is the one, He will be the one.” 

I smile at him, my king and my love. “I will follow you to the ends of the earth, but this star, is it really that important? I see it twinkling, laughing at us poor mortals who follow without knowing the destination.” 

Smiling, Gaspar leads me to the camels, “We will know we have arrived, when we get there.”

Photo by Neale LaSalle on Pexels.com

Hello, Readers! Merril’s Prosery Monday at d’Verse and Patrick’s Pic and a Word Challenge #271 – Starlight inspired this little story and brought me out of my writing drought. If you are a Christian, you might recognize the names used here although in the Bible, the names of the maji or where they came from or even how many there actually were and what they rode were never specified.

Merril’s prosery prompt also required the use of the phrase, “Crucial to finding the way is this: there is no beginning or end.” written by US Poet Laureate, Jo Harjo in “A Map to the Next World.” I changed the punctuation to fit the story, hoping to evoke the sense of faith and trust.

This sense of faith and trust is something that, I feel, is missing in our world right now – or at least in my world. Our state will be removing the mandates for masks at the end of this month. From then on, we will rely on the “honor system” – that people who are not wearing masks are fully vaccinated (as per CDC guidelines) and that if you are not fully vaccinated, that you will continue to mask.

I doubt that everyone who is not wearing a mask will be fully vaccinated.

As of today, only 45% of people in my state are vaccinated. That means it is more likely that the unmasked person in front of me is unvaccinated.

Without faith and trust that the people around me are doing the right thing and following the rules like I am, the honor system doesn’t work. Is faith and trust crucial to finding our way in this world? I would say, “Yes.”

©️ 2021 iido

Brambled Illusion – A Quadrille

I see the sweet berry –

Life as it used to be

I reach through the brambles

Grasping and gasping

The pain of worry scratching

The sting of despair drawing blood

The sweet berry out of reach

Life as it used to be –

An illusion

Not a bramble, but the rough bark is a sharp contrast to the softness of these blossoms.

A late offering for dVerse’s Quadrille #108 – Bramble. This has been a busy week, not so much physically, but mentally (and to be honest, emotionally).

I’ve been doing a lot of research on the pros and cons of sending kids back to school. There are a lot of different opinions out there. Depending on who the opinion is from, sending kids back to school is either imperative or tantamount to child abuse. Even the medical community doesn’t have a consistent message.

There are a lot of competing factors: parents who need to work or just need a break from their kids yet wanting to keep their kids safe; teachers who need to work but worry about their own health and that of their families; administrators who aren’t getting any guidance now suddenly tasked with making these life or death decisions; and of course, politicians who have their own agendas. The most conflicting discussions are the ones debating the importance of children’s physical health versus their emotional/social health.

Why do we have to chose?

These thorny, convoluted questions have made a bramble of my mind. But one thing I am sure of – we will never be able to go back to how life was before.

©️ 2020 iido