I am like you but not
My skin supple, warm-blooded, full of color
My mind boldly calculating what would break
You but not me.
I look down, demure in my plotting
Hidden in my hands, the chisel that will crack
The plaster of patriarchy.
I used to be a lot bolder than I am now. My hand would be first one raised high if there was a need for volunteers. I was the friend who would go up to the person you liked and bring them over to talk to you. If I was interested in you, I would be the first to make eye contact. I was confident and had no issues making that known.
While I don’t think I am any less confident now, I don’t have the same need to be bold – I don’t have the same need to prove myself. My hubby knows I love him even if I’m not looking at him. All my friends are in relationships and don’t need me to make connections for them. I still volunteer a lot, but now, I wait and see if someone else will step up first.
Being bold also seems harder as a parent: having to think of consequences and how that would affect, not only me, but my family. Plus, there is less time to be spontaneous which (to me) is an aspect of boldness.
One place that I can still be bold, is in my writing. If you’re reading this, I’m making eye contact with you! 👀
©️ iido 2023